Monday, March 10, 2014

How My Marriage Changed after Baby

I always knew my husband and I were going to have children it was just a matter of when that was actually going to happen. We started trying to get pregnant 2 months after we got married. It took much long than expected to finally bring home our first baby. Over 2 years after we got married we finally became parents. Bringing home that perfect little baby girl changed our marriage more than I could have ever imagined it would. I wasn't completely oblivious about what a baby does to a marriage. It just doesn't matter how many people you talk to, you'll never know until you experience it for yourself.

My husband and I have never had a fight. Seriously, we have never had any kind of big fight, up until we had a baby that is. In the past 16 months he and I have fought enough to make up for the 2 years of wedded bliss before becoming parents. I'm guilty of starting most of the fights. I'm guilty of expecting him to read my mind and getting pissed when he doesn't. I'm guilty of being a bitch just because I'm exhausted and burnt out. I'm guilty of wanting and expecting too much of him. He's guilty too. He's guilty of assuming he gets off the hook for things because he provides for our family. He's guilty of thinking certain things are my "job" because I'm the mom. When all is said and done the root cause of our fights is almost always lack of sleep and raising an especially strong willed and difficult child.

My husband and I have always been excellent at communicating, but there is something about sleep deprivation and hormones (my hormones to be more specific) that makes people irrational. We've screamed at each other and then 5 minutes later we're talking about things calmly and deciding how to handle a similar situation in the future. We've never not been able to stand each other and loved each other so much at the exact same time.

We still get mad and frustrated with each other which is almost always my fault (I'm a bit of a hot head), but we've finally reached a new normal for us as a couple. I get mad and he lets me. Then we talk about it. One of my utmost worst personality traits is a lack of patience which was never fully displayed until I became a mother. Everyone goes through rough patches and it's clear that the first year after our daughter was born was ours. Luckily we already had a strong foundation and while figuring out our new "normal" I'm happy to say that our marriage was never once in jeopardy. We never spoke the D word and it never even remotely crossed our minds.

Having a baby isn't easy and it sure as heck wasn't easy on my marriage. But we still love each other unconditionally. Seeing my husband as a father has brought me so much joy that I would do it a hundred times again if I had to. We're happy and settling into our new lives as parents and it's a wonderful thing.

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